you wake up on march 1st. sidney crosby is traded to the flyers. ovechkin to the blackhawks. auston matthews to the habs. you die instantly. the world explodes.
depeche mode: gay and loves leather, doesnt know how to have a good time
new order: never knows whats going on, knows how to have a good time
omd: does everything for the banter, never knows whats going on
soft cell: gay, wears too much eyeliner
gary numan: 80s nerd by day, emo by night
howard jones: has like 2 friends, gay
kajagoogoo: what
tears for fears: probably never leaves the house, straight, thinks they’re from a country that doesn’t exist
the human league: bisexual, avoids everyone, slightly pretentious
men without hats: eyeliner, some angst, punk, sorta emo, dancing, hippie, no likey wars, anti-establishment
Tag yourself I’m the human league
Fanfiction: Because apparently barging into the writers office of your favourite shows and telling them to get out the way while you un-fuck things for them is considered ‘rude’ and ‘breaking and entering’
those who don’t know, Kalevala is the national epic of Finland
there’s a lot of death and blood and marrying off a young girl to an old man and curses and slavery and a random chick getting pregnant from a lingonberry
also Tolkien wrote fanfiction of one of its sequences, Kullervo
Children of Hurin? based on Kullervo
Quenya? based on Finnish
Tolkien also learned some Finnish to read Kalevala bc he hated the English translation
The Xbox One has a super sensitive on button, so just barely brushing it turns it on. Lately, it’s been “turning on by itself,” which means one of my pets has been messing with it. But which one?
Suspect #1:
Name: Calcifer Age: 1 and ½ Occupation: Professional Gatekeeper Hobbies: Meowing to leave the bedroom when the door is closed, then meowing to get back in exactly 30 seconds later; sticking his paw in my food when I’m not pay attention; ignoring the toys we buy him and playing with dish towels instead; Napping. Motivation: None. He generally stays in his lane and behaves well.
Suspect #2:
Name: Oliver Age: 1 Occupation: Professional Attention Seeker Hobbies:
Laying on my chest while I play video games and demanding attention; eating Greek yogurt; playing with cotton balls; hiding in boxes. Motivation: Likes to hide near the game consoles because they get warm.
Suspect #3:
Name: Banjo Age: 8 Months Occupation: Professional Butt Hobbies: Eating cat poo when no one is paying attention; eating underwear; being a Good Boy™
when treats are involved; being a sinvergüenza; giving lots of love to everyone he meets. Motivation: Likes to stick his nose in places where it doesn’t belong.
Deductions: The Xbox One on button has drool marks all over it, very reminiscent of a certain puppers’ antics…
Conclusion: Banjo has been licking the on button on the Xbox One because he likes the sound it makes when it turns on. BOOK HIM, BOYS!
